


What Do You See In Me?

by thedollopheadofCamelot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BBC, Comfort, Fandom, Fanfiction, Love, M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, This is obviously fanfiction, Writing, bbc merlin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedollopheadofCamelot/pseuds/thedollopheadofCamelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin need each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Do You See In Me?

Merlin was staring a hole into him again. It was that same damn stare that he just didn't know how to handle. But he couldn't hate it. Merlin's eyes were soft and comforting and beautiful. It was hard to look away so Arthur rarely ever did anymore. It was like Merlin was silently trying to communicate with him. Arthur didn't know what he was saying yet or what it meant, but it made him happy, it made him smile, just to meet his eyes, just to have his attention.

"Merlin..." He spoke quietly as if it were only the two of them in the forest. The knights were howling with laughter in the glow of the fire, but they were muffled, only background noise.

"Sire," came Merlin's clipped reply, ghosting through the air between them. His voice acted as Arthur's protection from the rest of the world, as if just Merlin alone was keeping him safe.

He had to ask. It had been on his tongue for months, or possibly years and years now. He'd lost track. "What do you see in me?" It was a question that seemed to encompass everything and while at the same time could mean nothing at all. -What does he see? A king, his friend, his master, or Arthur? Why does he stare? What does he find when he stares? Am I what he's hoping for? Why is he always so loyal? Is it out of duty, or much more than that? 

Merlin smiled warmly at him. "I see a man I would follow till the ends of the earth. A brave, kindhearted, pratish man. A man destined to be the best and greatest king the world will ever know. I see an amazing friend I want to spend the rest of my life with no matter how many goblets to the head I have to take or adventures I have to embark on. A friend I want to laugh and cry and grow old with."

Arthur got up and moved to sit beside the servant, his heart beating as if he'd been running for hours. He sat so close their shoulders touched, brushing against each other as gentle as the night's breeze. Merlin was warmer and more comforting than the fire, making Arthur just want to stay there beside him forever. He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh as if it could possibly calm his heart down. "Why are you so good to me?" He wondered aloud, watching the tree branches sway in the low light the flames emitted. 

Merlin hummed softly beside him as if thinking through something very important. From this close Arthur could hear every breath he took and it made him smile just knowing how truly alive they were. Merlin was breathing in steadily and Arthur counted his every breath as he waited for some reply that would surely come. "It's because I love dollopheads."

Arthur turned to look at him, no really look at him. His manservant was grinning like a fool, the light dancing in his eyes. Arthur wanted to pick out the meaning, figure the man out, but he caught a hint of amusement in his eyes so Arthur just stopped. "Idiot," he murmured fondly, dropping his head against Merlin's shoulder tiredly. 

Neither of them said anything for a while. All that could be heard now were the knights carrying on and on.

"And then I hit him!" Gwaine shouted and they all roared with laughter.

"What did he do?" Elyan asked.

"He charged!"

"Seriously!?" Leon laughed with disbelief.

 _What was Gwaine talking about again? Doesn't matter..._ Arthur was slowly drifting off, his eyes starting to close as he gave in to exhaustion. 

"I love you, Arthur."

Arthur jumped at the sound of Merlin's voice, his heart leaping into his throat. He glanced at Merlin but he was looking intently at his hands. Had Arthur misheard? "Wha-what?" He tried, feeling so disoriented.

"I love you..." Merlin repeated, slowly turning to look him in the eyes. "Arthur."

Arthur gulped, his head spinning at the words. Because, what? "You...you love me?" He said slowly, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks and his heart pound in response. 

"More than anything or anyone. With all my heart."

Arthur searched his face, tried his best to figure his friend out. But he was serious. He looked completely and utterly serious. And all Arthur could think was- that's not possible. He's lying. "I...you...what...since when?" He had forgotten how to breathe properly, forgotten how to speak. He was drowning in Merlin's eyes, not knowing what to think.

"Since always."

Arthur faltered. Always was a long time. Always was forever. 

"At first slowly and then quickly, but always."

"Merlin..." Arthur said softly, fumbling for words that he didn't have to begin with. Because what should he say? What did Merlin want him to say? I love you too? He gulped, searching Merlin's eyes. He felt his mouth open and hang there. There were so many things he could have said but the words just came tumbling out. "I need you." It was like a plea that he never ever could lose him. A plea for him to always stay. He could have said that he too grew fonder, that he loved him, but those words were like bombs, they could destroy everything or change everything.

"You have me," Merlin assured him. He took Arthur's hand gently in his own and gazed into his eyes with such meaning and such heart.

Arthur's breath caught in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but to say what, he wasn't sure and he didn't have to be, for Gwaine came and interrupted.

"Hey, Merlin, princess," he started before he looked at them. He smirked. "Well, well, when you two lovebirds are done, we were getting the blankets out to go to bed for the night."

"We are not lovebirds-"

"Alright, I'll get one for the prat." Merlin inclined his head to point toward Arthur and rolled his eyes before getting up to follow Gwaine who was now laughing.

And Merlin was gone just like that, leaving behind the feel of his hand in Arthur's as it had been moments before. His heart was beating out of control again like thunder in a storm. He watched his manservant as he talked with his knights and was handed two blankets. He gulped. Why did Merlin have to be so loyal and brave and kind and wise and everything Arthur cared about? Merlin smiled at Percival and Arthur's insides twisted up. He had tried so hard not to feel this much. But this was Merlin. He saw him every day. And that grin that reached all the way to his great big ears and their banter...he was practically the only reason Arthur ever got out of bed at all. 

"Sire," Merlin said as he approached, holding out a blanket for him to take.

"Thank you, Merlin," he replied quietly, a bit horrified that his voice had turned slightly hoarse and shaky. He took the blanket quickly and laid it over himself, dreading the questioning look his manservant shot him. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. So he just closed his eyes, hoping Merlin would lay down too and just keep his mouth shut for once. He needed to think but his thoughts were tangled intricately like every piece of environment added to a bird's nest. And he just kept awake with his eyes shut tight, surrounded by Merlin even in the pure darkness that swarmed right beneath his eyelids.

-

Soon everyone was asleep and Arthur turned onto his side. Merlin was close, so close he could reach out and run his fingers through his dark hair. But he kept still and barely breathed and watched silently. There were times he'd longed for intimacy. Times he'd wanted to grip his servant's hand tight and never let go. There were times he'd wanted to tell him that he was the only thing right in the world. But his voice was sticking and his heart was racing with danger and he just knew what people would say and had worried fiercely that Merlin might reject him in every way. And now he was just stuck, his skin prickling with imagination and hope while his mind fought a war that was raging at more than one end. He just sighed, tired, ready, because hell-  Merlin had seen him at his best and at his worst. He'd seen him cry, he'd seen him weak... but he'd always been there. He knew him and he liked him for who he was. Merlin was the only one who treated him as just a person, just Arthur. He was the only person who could make Arthur feel so happy, he forgot about everything else. He could not lose Merlin. He just could not.

When the servant seemed visibly relaxed, the king scooted a little closer and whispered a hesitant, "Merlin...?"

Almost immediately, Merlin breathed out a hushed, "Sire?"

"You're awake," Arthur mumbled, voice thick with surprise.

"Mostly..." Merlin opened his eyes and focused them on Arthur, a slight smile dancing on his lips. "I have trouble sleeping sometimes..."

Arthur frowned. 

"So what did you want?" Merlin asked curiously. 

Arthur gulped and looked away, his heart pounding anxiously in his chest. "I..." Saying it wasn't so hard. None of this was hard, because it was Merlin. He just had so many excuses in his head. But when he looked into Merlin's eyes, everything seemed possible. "I love you too. I should have told you right away. I have...just never known how to say it." He paused to smile, watching Merlin's eyes light up with happiness and hope. "My life didn't have meaning until you came into it. Before I met you I was blind, and I was ignorant and arrogant and selfish and I was a follower. I have learned so much from you. I have become a better man with you by my side. You bring out the best in me. And I can not imagine my life without you. You complete me in every way. And I have been so lucky to have you. No one has ever made me happier. There's no place I'd rather be than with you. I live for your smiles and your insults and your eyes and your laughs and your company. You're the closest, most important friend I've ever had and I love you. You're perfect and beautiful and everything I've ever wanted. You're so special to me, Merlin, I don't know what I'd do without you in my life." 

Merlin was blushing a deep, deep red but was grinning up to his ears. It was the happiest Merlin had looked in days, or possibly the happiest Arthur had ever seen him, and Arthur was giddy with excitement that he'd been the reason for it. 

"Come here," Arthur whispered, beckoning his manservant closer, until he was close enough that their breath mixed perfectly.

"I'm here," he responded, searching the king's face, while his smile wouldn't go down even one notch.

Arthur leaned forward and brought their lips together for the first time, kissing Merlin gently and slowly and passionately. And he couldn't stop his own smile from crawling up his face. Because he was home. With Merlin he was truly home. 

 


End file.
